MAD Practice not perfect 22
When you are MAD you get kicked out of the world all the [[time]] .Things seem all [[tickety-boo]] and then there just boo! Everything is suddenly scary, scary as shit. You can't get your bearings.You've lost your keys, your sense of direction and likely even your mind.Nothing makes sense. All the rules have changed. Nobody can seem to tell you whats really going on.Everybody has a different story. What's happening doesn't seem [[possible]].What you want has nothing to do with anything.You are sided-lined, out of the picture, put away on a shelf, unsure when or if you will ever be let back [[in]].You are stuck. There is nothing you can do. It's just you and your mind
You feel reduced, a [[possible]] ruin. You know nothing will ever be the same. You can't stop thinking about how fucked everything is and if you'll ever be able to do what you love to do again. You obsess on [[WORST CASE SCENARIOS]], you feel like a fucking loser, you think in the darkest moments that you might as well [[die]]. Sound [[familiar?]]1. What is this moment asking of me? Of [[us?]]If you haven't experienced this, lucky [[you]].Oh wait, sorry, you have. The world just kicked us all out. Everything seemed ok right? I mean nothing was perfect, but we thought we had time to work things out, maybe even make things better. But for everything to just stop like [[that]]?[[Rude]]We're all Mad [[now]].When you are [[Mad]] one of the biggest enemies is [[despair]].The kind that comes with the hard fought grappling of grief, unfathomable [[grief]].Or desperately seeking some knowns in an [[unprecedented]], unknowable time.[[RX for Despair]] Tethered to an [[in]]visible, suffocating ache that won't let you move much or sleep or eat anything except [[potato chips]].
LIFE WANTS TO [[LIVE]].
This is [[madness]] .Luckily you are [[mad]] now. We all are.Start by asking yourself difficult and likely unanswerable [[questions]] What about me is [[essential]]? What about us is essential?Start to dream and doodle down a future for yourself as if you were completely [[in charge]].How can I take care of me and take care of [[others?]]What if what we love about life is never the [[same]]?[[LIFE]] WANTS TO [[LIVE]] Doesn't it? Little decision by little decision, sometimes as tiny as Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, [[breathe out]]What if you really could design the [[world]] according to your specifications?
What would it be like? Make [[Notes]]. Just write it all down. keep a note book with you. Call it Field [[Notes]] Maybe you're not ready for the big questions, maybe that's asking a lot. We are in an [[unprecendented]] humanitarian crisis. That's what this is.That's the scale of what this is. No wonder your imagination has [[flown the coop]].Start by keeping notes on yourself. Field Notes on yourself. Like you are both Gorilla and Dian Fossey at the [[same]] time. Let it be an experiment [[in]] self-anthropology that you approach with the value of extreme [[curiosity]].Jot down, shifting moods,thought patterns, something you appreciate, what you miss, what you don't miss, what you took for granted, what scares you the most, LIVE WANTS TO [[LIVE]].Even if you only write down one thing a day, one letter, keep that little notebook with you, like you are the most [[interesting creature]] in the world.The mad believe that the most important work we have to do for the future means staying in the moment to moment of right now and taking [[Notes]] . If we the Mad turn out to be wrong, we're ok with that.Writing something down is a way of convincing yourself that what your thinking or feeling has a little [[worth]].The notation of [[grief]] and suffering and hoplessness and [[despair]] and unattainable grocery lists occassionally breaks and tiny ideas about the future can [[pop through]].You might emerge from this time like a wild child propelled by the dream of a utopia that includes a fair and just world for all and fully sustainable theatre practices that feature unhindered plurality of themes and persons with room for everyone and systems that support the livlihood of artists and arts workers, where audacity and endurance are not the only things rewarded and intergenerational work and mutal appreciation exists, where equity, diversity, inclusion and accessibility just are-no more discussion. Where we value the [[imaginations]] of people as much as their lived experience. Oh I can hear you How? How? How? [[Later Ok?]] We're dreaming and wrestling with [[grief]] but we are gathering [[ideas]] like... (place great simile here). This will be the real test of [[us]]. To not charge towards solutions that might work for the ways things have always been done, but to float possibilities within the bouyant value of curiosity of how things might be done in the future. I think I remember, my sense of [[time]] is an on-going argument between me and me right now, but I think I remember this idea from William Blake's poem the marriage of heaven and hell- It is not possible to return to innocence after experience but that experience itself is a messy and amazing gift of being human. Or something [[Mad]] like [[that]].
If this is the end of somethings, of all things, how can we summon the best of ourselves to be as kind and generous as [[possible]] to each other?Perhaps you feel a bit like a lazy half-drunk bloodhound completely unsure of what it is your looking for in the future. You feel hurt, suddenly the world wants you back? Maybe you're not ready. How are others ready? Ready for what? You will learn to bring that invisible, suffocating tethered ache with you, shrunken [[now]] to the size of big lead balloon, little walks at first and then more and more walking until most days you forget the teethered ache is even there until, you remember how something used to be just as someone coughs nearby and you find yourself trying to curl up like a stray cat inside an empty newspaper box (remember those) wanting for the Pain [[Rain]] to pass. [[Rain]] is a thing [[Mad]] people do to stay with themselves.
R- Recognize. What am I feeling?
Write it down- For example; I am full of despair with flickering moments of joys, oh and doubt and [[grief]]
A-Allow- Let it be, just let it be. Don’t ask yourself to be any different.
Write it down
For example: It’s ok to be full of [[despair]] and doubt.
I-Investigate – Where do I feel this in my body? This will help you know what your feeling when you can’t get to words at some other time.
Write it down
For example: My entire body feels water logged and my hands are numb. My eye lids ache and my stomach is tight and prickly. This might be how it feels when I'm feeling full of despair with flickering moments of joys, oh and doubt and [[grief]]
N- Nuture. What do I need to do right now to take care of myself right now?
Write it down. Carry it with you you. This can be your "[[What Works List]]"
You can do the same thing about aything in the future your thinking about
[[Overwhelmed?]] ?[[tickety-boo]] tickety boo Tickety boo hoo hoo-When you feel "Mentally Injured"use your What Works List when your mind goes blank. This seems to happen alot in an unprecendented humanitarian crisis.
A Sample (DIY)
-call a friend (the kind that listens)
-call a friend (The kind that talks)
-call a friend (the kind that does both)
-call an imaginary firend who is everything you need them to be.
-eat something green
-eat some [[potato chips]]
-take a little walk. Maybe to the shower
-watch stand up comedy. Learn the routines
-read 1 sentence from 1 book.
-cry in the tub. Set a timer 20 minutes MAX!
-no news for a few hours
-no facebook for today
-rewatch Tuca and Birdie again and again
-write out in soap on the mirror or lipstick in thats your jam-
-LIFE wants to [[LIVE]]
-try to let go of [[WORST CASE SCENARIOS]]
-get tipsy if you can. Try to avoid drunk. Advanced madness occurs here and is not always fun. Double-click this passage to edit it.samples (DIY)
peephole puppets. Shows through apartment peepholes.
How could we turn the symphony into a marching band?
Parades, parades, parades. Could we do a play as a parade?
What if all of [[us]] become wandering minstrels again?
More pod plays
Semaphore from apartment to apartment.
Could we deliver plays like food? Drama Dash?
Scene that happen in store front windows
Could we have basic income for artists? For all?
What really matters?
Am I really out of [[potato chips]]?
what would neighbourhood theatre look like?
living roome theatre
outdoor plays seen through telescopes
one on one like Japanese box theatre
Can [[imaginations]] cease to exist?No examples necessary.The Mad are all exceedingly good at these. Try to convince yourself [[that]] our [[imaginations]] can be put to a better use.
If you can't convince yourself see [[What Works List]].
If you insist, take [[Notes]]
Or eat [[potato chips]]
But know for certain you'll be heading to the maddest of [[Mad]] if you don't set a time limit for the [[possible]] pondering of these particulary insidious wonderings.What if this really is the [[end]]? [[Overwhelmed?]] ?